4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
