I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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