He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
