That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
