yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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