Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Someone came in the potted fern
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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