the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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