yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
