as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
