so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
