how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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