I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
