Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
