Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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