There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
