the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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