If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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