I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
