Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
