New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
