Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
