im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
