He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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