She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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