Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
