i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
