I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
