I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
