Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
