i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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