sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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