Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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