Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
