drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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