from now on my penis is your penis
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
