i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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