There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
