There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
