just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
