I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
