hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
