why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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