The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
