Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
