i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
