Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
