Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
