So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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