I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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