ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
