My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
