While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
