You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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