it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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