Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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