who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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