Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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