You just made me feel so damn special
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
