Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
